Boldness Matters: A Letter to My Son
Level 42: Life The Universe and Everything
Future Guardian,
There are many ways I’ve tried to approach this subject, and many different offshoots and related ideas.
Boldness.
Living life with purpose and meaning.
In the recent Guardian Academy Events1, listening to Dr. Jeff Spencer2 share the truth of his life experience and opening the door to this perspective has brought me, personally, full circle on what matters most.
So,
I have to explore this.
As I wrote it made most sense to me to write a letter to my son. Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to teach him these things and guide him. But if all I had was a letter to give him right now, this would be it:
Dear son,
You are growing up in a vastly different world, a vastly accelerated world.
It's a world where you'll have every conceivable option at your fingertips, and those options will fly by you in the blink of an eye.
You'll feel compelled to chase after things for fear of missing them.
You'll feel like you need to move just as fast or faster than the world feels like it is whirling around you in order to just stay afloat.
But,
What does it mean to live?
What does it mean to live a life of meaning and purpose?
How do you be happy and fulfilled and joyful and do all the things that make you feel alive and help you be the best person you can be contributing your greatest gifts to yourself and everyone around you?
There's a seed in you.
It's a call, a drive, a voice, a significance which sprouted the moment you came into being and which will continue to grow throughout your life.
But how it grows,
The flowers that bloom,
The branches that spring off from the center,
The other beings those gifts end up nurturing,
That will all depend on how YOU nurture your own self and the life in which you grow.
What you may find,
If you are listening closely,
If you are present with yourself and you are aware,
Is that every now and then in life there will be A Call to something greater.
It doesn't necessarily happen frequently. And if you aren't aware, if you aren't present with yourself, if you don't know yourself, if you are caught up in the speed and whirlwind of life around you chasing after what you think you need to be doing ... that call is going to disappear like a shout in a tornado.
But The Call is something which is connecting deeper, to the part of you that has always been and will always be. The part of you from which the seed has sprouted.
The part of you that, by the time you read this, and really understand this, may be buried beneath years of layers of societal and cultural expectation, belief, structure, and impression.
I'm writing this because,
I think the greatest gift you can give yourself in life is the ability to hear The Call and to answer The Call when it does come.
So, my son, I hope that my letter illuminates for you what it is that you can watch out for ...that which can keep you from hearing The Call,
And,
What you can do for yourself in order to live a life of meaning and purpose, in order to deeply know and embrace the seed within you that is unique and special and which only you can bring into the world.
I want you to know how to live BOLDLY - to live a life of meaning and purpose where you can easily embrace the gifts which are unique to you.
Fear
My son,
"Our primary response to life is fear based survival impulses."
Fear is the natural programming, the driving force which is always oriented toward survive. Fear resists change. It resists difference. It resists letting go. It resists new. It resists stepping forward into the unknown.
It resists uncertainty.
Fear is a constantly companion which will forever be with you throughout life. It is neither good nor bad, it simply is.
And the strength and power of living a life of full potential - of being available to answer The Call - is allowing yourself to live in that uncertainty, trusting that you'll be able to figure it out, working with the least possible to keep growing,
Because you need the space.
You can’t answer The Call if you don't have the space.
And you can't have space if you allow fear to control your choices.
Don't hate fear.
Don't fear fear.
It's a part of us. It's always with us.
But it's just one part. That side of us that always leans into survival.
There's another part of us.
The part that seeks and desires evolution. The part that wants to grow and learn and connect and contribute and do great meaningful things with our life.
Those parts are often in conflict.
Your job is to learn them both, for they are both part of you. Don't seek to control them. Don't seek to snuff them out. Especially fear. Learn to walk the path with it, to dance with it ... and you'll find when the time comes to do something greater and grow, the fear in you will trust it will all be ok.
To Win, or Keep Playing?
My son,
What is the opposite of death?
In the living life that we know, death is the greatest fear.
Death is the anchor point against which fear drives us - away from all things that could possibly lead to death.
Death is the shadow which defines the light.
We are built with this programming so intensely, in our survival instincts, in our biology, that we look at life as this dichotomy,
Between Life and Death.
But the opposite of Death is not Life.
It is Birth.
Because Life is not something that starts and stops. Life is everlasting. Life is happening in our world here, and throughout the universe, for as long as there is movement and time there is life.
We are graced with the blessing of being able to participate in that Life.
By being born.
Our birth marks the first moments that we get to participate in Life and we are privileged to have this opportunity until we meet death.
Perhaps there is more before and after,
But all we can ever do now is embrace the time we have that is given to us.
And the greatest thing we can do with that time is to take the nurturing seed in us, to peel away all that is NOT us, to allow that seed and sprout to bloom, blossom, grow and shine new wonder into the world that is only unique possible from YOU.
Many times in life you will feel the pressure of that speed and those options to take and to have and to WIN at life.
To succeed.
Because in the parlance of our culture and our time success is winning at life. But understand this ...
Life does not end. Therefore, it cannot be won.
"Success" is meaningless in comparison to anything.
What matters is you and now. What matters is what you decide to do with each day you are gifted.
Your time in this life will end, as will mine. The only winning to be had with our unique time, is in giving ourselves the ability to shine the brightest that we can.
That's what matters.
The Work
My son,
It's actually about the work.
And I know, depending on when you read this, the idea of work might make you groan and roll your eyes.
But, "work" is not necessarily work.
You're probably surrounded by people who talk of work like it is drudgery. Like it is the thing you must grind through in the day. Like it is the thing you have to do when you would really rather be doing something else.
But "work" in itself is just doing.
Sometimes it is doing things that you must do in order to meet your obligations, to survive. But sometimes it is doing things you want to be doing for yourself to create and grow. In all cases, "work" that is good and useful is stuff you do that helps you grow and brings you closer to what you want in life, which brings you closer to yourself in life.
If you are fortunate, and I believe you have the ability in yourself to find this fortune, you will find the "work" which makes you feel alive and which also serves the need of the things you have to do.
There's a process for this.
We talk about it as Frequency, Intensity, and Purpose.
I suspect you have some inner drive, some desire to live with meaning and purpose. You may not know where that comes from, or what it means. But I suspect that it's there and you feel a need and desire to figure that out.
Many will hone in on "purpose."
They will think "I need to find my purpose," or "I need to do the things which serve my purpose." And many variations therein.
But what most don't realize is this is backwards.
You don't start with purpose.
Because your purpose is emergent3 from how you live your life and the things you do, and how well you can know and listen to yourself.
It’s The Call.
We start with frequency, because in the beginning you just need to apply yourself to the things that interest you - a lot.
You know that I write, and I have found my purpose in writing, and hopefully I've told you this story by now, but just in case - I didn't start off thinking my purpose was to be found through writing. In fact I started off like many do, blindly chasing after purpose wherever I thought it was, never realizing it was something to be uncovered within me.
I started writing only out of necessity.
I accidentally put myself through Frequency, Intensity, and Purpose with writing, because every time it all failed I turned back to the writing and I kept going. In time I wrote enough that my writing started to become "my writing" (and that never stops), and through "my writing" my purpose in life started to emerge.
Writing and “the work” became about creating the space to listen for the uniqueness in myself.
I think as I write this, it all still is emerging. I think that may never cease, as long as I keep writing.
Life is a path and a process, not an end point.
So your purpose is not an end point, but something to ever evolve and discover as you grow.
But that path follows "the work."
Writing may not be your thing. Right now, as I watch you, your thing could be said to be "pushing buttons." You like all manner of buttons, finding them, pushing them, and seeing what happens. As you are finding more buttons and pushing them, I see you grow and learn and discover things about yourself and the world.
That's your "work" right now.
It may take you some time in life to find the "work" that is for you which will show your stamp and reveal your purpose.
But whatever the work is you do NOW, do it with frequency. Do it boldly.
Be present with yourself so you can tell whether the "work" you do continues to call you forward. Whether it uncovers more of who you really are. Whether it resonates with your being and the way you wish to live in the world.
When you do the thing with enough frequency, you will start to discover Intensity. Intensity is the unique stamp you put on things. Its what happens when you do something enough that people start to say "Oh, that was done by him."
When you do something with enough frequency to find your intensity, know that you are on the path to your purpose.
Because it's when you do enough things with enough intensity that your purpose starts to emerge for you.
Just like The Call.
The Call
My son,
The Call is unique.
The Call does not happen often.
And sometimes it is ever so quiet and difficult to hear.
This is because The Call does not come from outside, from elsewhere. Even though The Call may appear to be someone else giving us an opportunity.
The call really comes from within ourselves.
Its the voice that sees the path before us, and in the moments when a new path, or a change in our path appears that uniquely connects with who we are and what we desire in life and how we best show up and live ...
The Call comes from within and calmly says
"That's it. Right there."
The more you know yourself, the more you embrace and accept who you really are and how you best show up in the world for yourself and everyone else, the more present you are NOW, the clearer and louder that voice will be.
Boldness Matters
My Son,
Because The Call is rare and unique, it matters that you step into it and make it count. It matters that you Be Bold.
But Boldness is not about "taking life by the horns" or recklessly wildly going forward in aggressive pursuit.
Boldness is NOT recklessness.
It is slow, it is calculated.
It's about making sure you are open to possibility. That you are doing things in a way which honors your gifts and the uniqueness in yourself.
It is making space in your life for The Call to be heard, acknowledged, and answered.
Because when you live life that way,
That is bold.
It is boldness to recognize that when a possibility comes up that is made uniquely for yourself and you alone that you accept that opportunity and step into it with grace and gratitude, and that you take THAT boldly.
Have boldness and conviction and belief in SELF to stand up for and embrace the gifts you are given.
Step into it.
Don't think about what's going to happen later, because that doesn't matter. When you hear The Call and it's connecting with the uniqueness in yourself what matters is you accept and you live it. Live your gifts.
There's no better way to live life fully.
It's about living life in a way that shows reverence for the possibility of The Call, of being able to answer it, of being able to embrace it boldly.
No Redos
My son,
This is your path in life.
You get one walk on this path. There are no redos.
Why do anything other than live boldly, live as much of yourself as you can, to do what it takes to unveil the uniqueness in you through the work that you do so that when The Call comes you can hear it, you can accept it, and you can embrace it fully?
The truth is, you have something nobody else has which you can contribute to humanity.
That's the uniqueness in each of us.
Part of the gift you have in participating in this life is the uniqueness in yourself which you get to contribute back to life and to others.
Do things that mean something.
Do things that mean something to you and your uniqueness.
Doing something that means something matters to us as humans in being fulfilled as the people we are born to be.
Don't just make a paycheck.
Don't just check off the boxes for what you think needs to be done. Don't do what you think you should be doing.
Go out into the world and say "this shit matters to ME and I'm going to do it."
That is what it means to answer The Call,
It's to say "this is the thing which connects with who I am, which means something, which allows me to live the uniqueness of myself and give to the world and those around me like no one else can."
What Keeps You From Answering the Call?
My son,
Among your biggest risks in life is not hearing The Call.
Not seeing your purpose emerge.
And then even if you do, not being able to answer the call, not being able to serve your purpose, because you're too busy, or your too fearful, or you just don't know yourself well enough to understand what's happening.
What can stand in the way of hearing and answering The Call?
Going too Fast
Surely you've heard me say this one.
Slow down.4 The world, society, culture is blazing by us at an incredible speed, and it all beckons us to grab hold, to chase after, to hop on ...
Because what if we miss it?
Look at all those other people having success and happiness, I need to move fast and get what they have!
Many people in life will do and work and aggressively go after the thing they think they want, so much, they will be blinded to what is actually meaningful to themselves and in the end they will also be deaf to their own meaning and significance.
They blow themselves up.
When you go too fast and try to do too much and push too hard, you risk burnout, exhaustion, self destruction. You can set yourself back years by living life with speed and recklessness because even after blowing yourself up, if you're too tired and weary it won't matter if you hear the call ... you won't have it in you to answer.
Slow down.
Do less.
Remove things from your life, don't add.
Live in the present moment, not in the future you think you want and can make happen. In the Now that IS.
Breathe.
You will be ok.
The only thing that you are at risk of missing is The Call that comes from within. Slow down so that you hear it.
Too much obligation
Among the risks of taking on too much pressure and going too fast is also taking on too much obligation.
Especially when you are younger.
There's much more to this than I can possibly communicate here and now.
My advice is, reserve obligation for the things that matter the most.
MONEY (in and of itself) is not one of those things.
Yet many people will saddle themselves with extensive obligation to money. There are times where a level of obligation is necessary because we all need to contribute and make a certain amount in order to live.
But I tell you, leave that at "enough."5 Only take on enough obligation to connect the dots and keep living.
Remember,
Life is an infinite game. It cannot be won.
Make the choice to keep going, but do so in a way that gives reverence to the possibility of The Call.
In the future, you may find that it is appropriate to embrace a lot more obligation.
It's important to be clear with yourself, to listen to yourself, to trust your gut and who you are, because sometimes the obligation IS the purpose. And there may be no nobler choice than to welcome lifelong obligation as part of your purpose.
You are an obligation I embrace with delight and joy. You are a call to my life that I forever am grateful to have heard and been able to answer.
How this shows up for you, is for you to decide and understand.
Don't Predetermine Your Value
Predetermining your own value is deciding what it will mean for everyone else and the world for you to show up.
It's to think,
No one is going to like this.
This isn't going to be valuable.
It's even to just wonder,
What if this isn't as good as I think it is?
What if this isn't as useful?
Understand this,
The value of what you do, how you show up, how you contribute, to YOU ... comes from the simple action of doing the thing.
As soon as you do the thing to show up with your uniqueness, it's valuable to you.
As soon as I write, it's valuable to me. As soon as I publish, it's valuable to me.
The "value" that most people consider in the action, in the production, in the product, in the service, in the contribution ... the value most people think about is in how it impacts others.
But it is NOT up to you to determine what your contribution means to someone else.
If you predetermine what the value is of what you do and how you show up, not only will you do the disservice of determining for other people how they value you and your contribution, you may very well talk yourself out of doing your best and showing up your best and living your uniqueness.
Just show up
Allow your value to come from showing up.
Allow the value to YOU to be in the showing up.
Fear Is Your Resistance to Showing Up
Fear that you will not be enough.
Fear that you won't make it.
Fear that you will be wrong.
Don't try to not experience fear. Don't try to not be afraid.
Fear is always there, ready to slow you down, ready to hold you up, waiting to keep you from engaging in change because of what could happen.
The way through,
Is to trust yourself.
Trust that you have everything you need, you know everything you need, in order to be ok.
You have to,
In order to answer The Call.
Because The Call, the thing that comes from within which is the sign you have the opportunity to connect the deepest most powerful part of you with your life and the rest of the world,
That is new.
That is something that is different. That is change.
And that always means uncertainty.6
New = uncertainty because you haven't done it before.
The singular powerful counter to this fear of uncertainty is to trust in yourself that no matter what happens, you will be ok, you will figure it out.
I trust that you have that in you.
I know that you do.
I can see it now, in your tiny hands and your tiny eyes and your giant smile. In the way you bring me all the books in the room to read. In the way you show me new things you discover.
You have it in you.
You always will.
There may come a day when you can't see that ability in you to trust yourself that you will make it through. And that's ok. Just remember that it's in there. You don't need to go somewhere else to find that trust and certainty in your own gifts and abilities. You don't need to look outward.
Just look inward. Chip away. Find you again. Because you have everything you need for the greatness in you.
Step forward.
Do the things.
Listen to yourself and your uniqueness for that voice that says "it's time" - and then,
Be Bold.
Be Useful. Be Present. Love the Journey.
Joseph Robertson, CMO The Guardian Academy
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Bravo.
I haven’t read an article, let alone a long article like this in a long time, with such focus, word by word. It deeply resonated with me, as if written to me. Thank you for sharing your letter with us. It reminds me of what I always say to my clients, what you resist, persists…thank you for reminding me of this in my pursuit of finding my calling within myself and learning to deal with and lean into fear. Beautifully written.