Don't Fill the Story in Advance
Level 4: Serious Player
Future Guardian,
With a new year upon us, it is natural to be drawn in toward future planning. Thinking through our goals, our paths, our next steps.
But, following this fall's Gray Wolf Summit, it came to me that there's a particular dynamic to planning and goal setting and really to our whole relationship with working towards what we want in the future which, in the way this is approached by most people, actually hinders our ability to achieve what we want to achieve.
It's a topic I've danced around a few times in the past, including “Set the Goal, Burn the Plan1,” and “Let Go2.”
At Gray Wolf, it was a talk by Dr. Jeff Spencer which gave me another piece to the puzzle. I felt like this particular message was an appropriate way to start the year.
"Don't try fill the story in advance." - Dr Jeff Spencer
The significance of the idea is one I've been trying to capture in a useful way, and to help with this, today I've brought back my good 'ole' ancient philosopher friends, Max Prudence and Jack Gamble.
(This time, they seem to be quite cordial with one another)
I'll let them take it from here ....
Jack Gamble: The other day I was overhearing a conversation and it struck me as curious. With the new year I thought it prescient to discuss.
Max Prudence: Though I am overstuffed on holiday cookies and whisky, it does seem the time to contemplate. Do tell the story.
Jack Gamble: A man is talking about the new year, resolutions, what he's looking forward to, what he thinks is going to happen, what he hopes happens.
Max Prudence: Naturally, the changing of the calendar forces such contemplation
Jack Gamble: Indeed. What struck me wasn't what he was talking about, it wasn't the planning, it wasn't the dreaming, it wasn't the resolutions ..
Max Prudence: Oh, I had figured given the context you were going to say something about how resolutions are silly, nothing is really changing except a number on a calendar
Jack Gamble: No this is something else ... although perhaps we should put a pin in that. I am curious at your dismissal of the date change when, indeed I agree that presently nothing is seemingly different this week compared to last, yet we live in a society and amongst other humans who behave differently because of that number. But this is a sidebar ...
Max Prudence: My apologies, I did not mean to distract
Jack Gamble: Back to this man who was telling his story. I listened to him talk about the path which led him to where he is now. The things that went well over the past year, the choices he made, the decisions he in retrospect figured out were not the best made decisions.
Max Prudence: Sounds like he has a good level of awareness of his own decision making process
Jack Gamble: I did gather that as well. But it wasn't that which stuck out.
Max Prudence: Do tell, I am eager to hear.
Jack Gamble: I listened to this man talk through all of his ideas and his plans. He talked about what was going well now, and he talked about how he thought it would all go. He talked about what could happen. And he talked about what he thought would most likely happen.
And this took him down a decidedly negative path ...
Max Prudence: The whisky can do that
Jack Gamble: Indeed. But he also sounded dispassionately practical about it. He laid out all the facts of his current position, what's happening right now, where that would take him, and the outcome he was most likely going to face - which was not sounding very good. All stated like cold fact.
It caught in my mind and I started thinking. How does he know how it's all going to turn out? Is he doing himself any favors by playing it all out in his mind? It was almost like he predetermined his year without regard to what could happen next ...
Max Prudence: Interesting questions. I have a few to follow up with if I may.
Jack Gamble: Of course, that is why we have these conversations.
Max Prudence: As counterpoints, I would ask, is it not important to think through all that is possible and what the path is that you may walk? How can you be sure you're heading in the right direction if you don't do that?
And with those questions asked, I'd counter my own questions by asking, does he not know what the next things are that he needs to do and is that not all that is important?
And then I'd finally ask of you ... because you mentioned this man's story turned rather negative, I am assuming that means he believes the year will not go well for him, or what he's currently doing won't work out the way he wants. I want to ask ... would any of these questions change if the man believed it was going to be his best year ever and he was going to get everything he wanted?
Jack Gamble: Well, now that you pose those questions, I am filled with curiosity and rather overwhelmed at the prospect of unraveling this little stuck thought. I am inclined to begin with answering your first question, since I believe that is how most people think about it.
Max Prudence: You mean - "Shouldn't we think through all of our possible actions and the path we're going to walk?"
Jack Gamble: Yes that one
Max Prudence: I'd also like to suggest that whether we should or should not, I believe it to be human nature that we are inclined to do this anyway - to live in the future in our minds rather than in the present.
Jack Gamble: I agree with that. But, there's something different happening here. Or maybe it's a version of being in the future rather than the present - or a side effect or an outcome. There's something else besides not being HERE and NOW which is going on when we play out the path and imagine the future.
In your question you propose it is natural and perhaps even important we think through the path we're going to be on. To imagine how things will come about.
But.
What if that's not true?
What if it's actually detrimental to think through all the permutations and play out the story in our minds before we have even lived it?
What if it's detrimental NOT in the sense of lacking presence in the now, but in the sense that it could hurt the real outcome we're after?
Max Prudence: I am intrigued by the possibility. If that is true, then the way most people think through their challenges and work through their life would actually be hindering their ability to live to the fullest and get what they want.
Is that what you are suggesting?
Jack Gamble: That is what I am thinking. And that is what struck me as I listened to this man talk through the expectations he had for the year. He played it all out like he knew what was going to happen, but even if he consciously admits that he doesn't have a crystal ball, does the perspective prevent him from finding the best path?
Max Prudence: Perhaps answers and clarity lie in the other questions
Jack Gamble: Yes I am interested to take on your next question - how can you be sure you're heading in the right direction?
I think the way most people consider their goals and aspirations is they imagine the path getting to there from where they are now ...
Max Prudence: I'll interject and say that more often than not that path is too straight of a line ... humans are inclined toward linear thinking and once they head in a direction toward their goal, imagining into the future, they think it will be a straight line to get there, but this is not life.
Jack Gamble: I agree, and that brings us back to your question which begs us to wonder, is it important to think through the possible permutations of our path to make sure we are heading in the right direction?
On the one hand I start to think, if we are inclined toward linear thought then imagining the path means we're likely to simplify too much in the direction we are headed.
On the other hand, if we don't think through it, then would it not be incredibly easy to get lost off track, given that the real path is anything but linear?
Max Prudence: What about the 3rd option.
Jack Gamble: What's the 3rd option?
Max Prudence: You know this one. We just take the next step. And then recalibrate.
Jack Gamble: Ahh yes. In the words of our dear friend Dr. Jeff Spencer - "all we can ever do is what is in front of us." It doesn't matter if we think that in 100 feet the path is going to curve, because we can only ever deal with the steps in front of us. And then if we ARE just dealing with the steps in front of us, we'll be able to manage the change in the path with each step.
But, in order to figure out the next step, you must have some imagination as to where you are headed. There then must be some thinking through of the possibilities and mapping it out so that you can know what that next step is, and that it's in the right direction.
Max Prudence: I agree. There-in lies that trick. Figuring out where you want to go, the next step to get there, and then letting go of the rest.
Jack Gamble: This still doesn't answer the question I brought up in how playing the whole story out may be detrimental, nor have we answered the question about whether this is all the same if the outcome is positive.
I believe, after all, that you raised that question because it's easy to see someone imagining a bad outcome and then coming to the conclusion that this doesn't serve them well because they can easily become depressed and therefore negatively effect their walk on the path - or some variation on that experience of self imposed limitation.
But if it's a good outcome, you'd think their positive momentum would carry them toward success. And yet, I have a feeling that this is also not true.
Max Prudence: Let's finish unraveling the original scenario, and figure out why it is detrimental for this man to play out the story of the upcoming year - then we can ask ourselves if this is all still relevant for the person who imagines a positive outcome.
Jack Gamble: Ok let's recap. Ultimately it seems like there is a balance between heading toward your goal, knowing what that is, and what your next step toward that goal can be, while also letting go of the imagined future which hasn't happened and focusing on what's just in front of you and your next steps.
Given that. I think it becomes pretty clear that if you play out the story of your future in your mind, if you decide how things are going to come about, then this could negatively impact your ability to just take care of what's in front of you and be receptive to the outcome of those individual steps.
Max Prudence: Yes given our conversation I would say that humans not only are susceptible to living in the imagined future, but are also relatively blind to how reality actually unfolds where each step you take reveals a new reality. You can't know your path until you've walked it, but so often we decide what that path is going to be before we do.
Jack Gamble: I believe it was Dr. Jeff Spencer who said "don't try to fill the story in advance." It's easy to take facts that we can currently see and decide what the outcome is going to be but in doing so we stop paying attention to what's in front of us. We may even go to the extent of not allowing reality to unfold and show us the best path beneath our own feet.
I think there's something else in this as well.
If we're clear on what we want and why - accepting that these things may change as we go along - this allows us to figure out the next best step towards that given where we are now and what we have now.
BUT, where we are and what we have, and even what we want and why we want it can all change as we take steps towards what we desire.
When we sit with what we have now and imagine how everything is going to happen, when we prefill the story, we can only do so with what we are starting with.
Max Prudence: What you are getting at is another idea from our friend Dr. Jeff Spencer - "what you start with is not what you end with."
Jack Gamble: Yes. that is it exactly.
I believe that we are incapable of imagining the future for ourselves as it will actually be, because we can only imagine what will be given what we know, experience, and have now. As good as our imaginations may be, the way we imagine will even change as we move along the path in front of us.
It does us no good to figure everything out ahead of time and then try to fit the pieces together based on our prediction.
Max Prudence: This leads well into the final question ... does it matter if the outcome imagined is bad or good?
Jack Gamble: I think the obvious answer is no.
By predetermining the outcome based on what we know now, we actually rob ourselves of the ability to see the best path which could be discovered along the way the whole time.
Our conversations are a good example aren't they.
We start with a question, and then we simply explore. Questions beget more questions. The answers reveal possible new understanding and ideas which we can put into action.
We don't go into the conversation thinking "this is what we're going to get out of this discussion."
Max Prudence: I suppose if we did, that would be rather performative. As if we were putting on a predetermined act.
Jack Gamble: Right, and each time that act would be the same. The conversation the same. The outcome the same. It wouldn't reveal anything new, interesting, or valuable.
Max Prudence: It might be entertaining.
Jack Gamble: It might.
But it certainly wouldn't be living.
What do you think about Max and Jack’s conversation?
Do you feel like this idea fits into your lived experience?
Let me know in the comments below.
And if you’re interested in other discussions between these two, they have appeared before in “When it’s Too Much and Not Enough3” and “Is That Content Useful to You?4”
Be Useful. Be Present. Love the Journey.
Joseph Robertson, CMO The Guardian Academy
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i think about this a lot actually.
I often find myself thinking in circles when it comes to “planning” because without any sort of plan at all, it’s like floating through life like a plastic bag in the wind.
On the other hand, with a hyper detailed plan and narrative comes the risk of becoming blind to options and possibilities.
My current take is that, for me, the best route is to create a plan knowing that all of it can and will change.
I also think that the amount and detail of planning necessary depends on my location on the explore/exploit spectrum.
The deeper I am in explore territory, the less planning and detail. The deeper I am exploit territory, the greater the planning and detail.
It’s a constantly evolving perspective, tho.