You've set your goal.
You've made your plan.
In 10 years, you'll have $10 million. All you have to do is follow the plan.
You make your investments.
And then.
You wait.
You think "this is awesome, I don't have to worry about anything, it's all going to come together."
You look at your watch.
You start tapping your foot.
"Ok but. Let's just see how it's doing."
You look at your investments.
They are up!
"Awesome. It's all going to work out."
You go back to your everyday life.
Your mind wanders.
You think about all the great things you're going to have.
Maybe you could have it faster?
You wonder if your investments are going up quicker than you hope.
Your foot is tapping.
You take a look again.
They look the same.
"Ok. Ok. Ok ... not bad ... Ooook ... " A sense of ... unease ... fills your breath.
You go back to your everyday life.
But,
Is it still the same? Is it going up? Is it going DOWN?
You sit at your computer trying to focus on your work. You don't even notice both of your legs are fidgeting up and down with nervous energy.
"Ok it's probably still going up. I'll just have a quick peek."
You look.
It's down.
Oh. God. Oh no.
“What if this ISN'T going to work?”
Those of you who've been in TGA and especially around crypto for a while may recognize the scenario and think "Frequency of Exposure1 man..."
And you'd be correct.
But why?
And is there anything you can do to insulate yourself from the effects other than "just don't look"?
There's an interesting dynamic every person experiences in life, but most probably don't realize they are experiencing it.
It's a force that exists in any situation where there is even a potential for change. Any situation where you desire something to be different.
When something is left unsaid.
When hope creates a possibility that is yet to be realized.
When a question is unanswered.
We are forever drawn forward by this force because it has, throughout our history of existence, been an integral part of survival.
What happens when there's a sound behind the rock, and you DON'T care?
You might get eaten.
What happens if the sky starts to get dark in the middle of the day, and you don't have this dynamic built into your DNA?
You might die in a sudden storm.
This force is behind every significantly popular and delightful story, tv series, movie, and video game.
It calls us forward.
It makes us dig in and figure out what is going to happen?
Because we KNOW the answer is there. Sometimes we may even know what that answer is going to be ... but we still have to find out HOW that answer will come about.
This force is behind our relationships.
This force is the texture of Hope and Possibility.
And in many ways,
It's the force which can drive you to RUIN if you don't know how to handle yourself. Because whenever you are in a situation where you desire something to be different, it will start to exert it's inexorable and often times overpowering force upon you.
I'm talking about:
TENSION
We are naturally drawn towards movement.
If you’ve ever given yourself the opportunity to try meditation or yoga, you'll likely have experienced this. It is VERY hard to sit completely still. The practice of yoga is often embraced because it increases our ability to sit completely still comfortably ...
But even the simplest of forms, lying down for example, is very hard to stay in, comfortably, for a long period of time.
We crave movement.
When we are still, and there's the possibility of movement, our body feels this TENSION. Because we are here and we are not there and we desire to be moving so much ... there is that pull.
The longer you hold that Tension the more prominent the pull.
Change is the same.
We are drawn to it (or away from it). We have this in-built need so much that sometimes we'll even drive ourselves to do stuff that completely WRECKS us, all because we can't stand to DO NOTHING. Or because we have this deep tension and we can't stand to have it unresolved.
At its heart, Tension begins to become clear when you know where you are, and you know where you want to be.
Sound familiar?
The Solvable Problem2, indeed can create Tension.
And so we put other structures in place to help us live with that Tension in a way that it does not WRECK us.
We can't completely relieve that Tension right away ... you can't have $10 million tomorrow, unless you win the lottery - and if your goal is to win the lottery, you'll almost certainly destroy yourself.
The scenario painted in the opener is a classic.
You set your investments for a 10 year long term goal, and then you get tied up in knots on a daily basis exposing yourself to effectively useless data trying to relieve the Tension you are experiencing. Except it only makes the situation worse.
Frequency of Exposure is a perspective that is useful in reducing the likelihood we will succumb to Tension and wreck ourselves.
The Next Best Step3 is a useful framework for reorienting our goals and expectations in the short term. Sure you set a 10 year goal, but having done that, if you figure out your Next Best Step is something accomplishable over the next month, you can refocus your Tension Attention to something manageable.
In other words, if you feel resolved because you feel like you are moving toward your goal well in the short term, you will feel the overall Tension less.
But Tension is just the force at play here.
The force that can completely wreck you and take over your life.
There's a perspective I've found on the other side of the coin from Tension.
One that I believe if embraced well, will allow you to willfully decouple yourself from Tension, to live your life fully without the whims of internal strife threatening to wreck everything.
BOREDOM
I'm not even going to tease this one along.
Boredom - it's the mental and perhaps emotional equivalent to sitting still for a long time.
I've always felt it a slippery idea to wrap my hands around, yet one which reveals itself sometimes often in life, especially with kids, who will perhaps frequently express their boredom in a situation when they aren't getting to do what they want (and perhaps, following a drop of dopamine after some stimulating activity).
But Boredom is not uniquely a kid's experience of course.
While we might associate Boredom with a large drop in Dopamine4, it is not always something that rears itself in conjunction with heightened stimulation.
We can experience Boredom while standing in a line.
We can experience Boredom while waiting for an event and feeling like we have nothing to do in the meantime.
We can experience Boredom in our work.
We can experience Boredom in our relationships, in our marriages.
And it is this exploration of Tension which revealed to me a truth of Boredom. That it is a state in which you are waiting for a change, whether you realize it or not. A state of dull Tension.
Even though Tension sounds high energy, all that is required for Tension to exist is for you to see where you are now, and desire a different state or place.
Tension draws us through stories because we see where the character is now, and we know they are going to go through an experience, and we just have to see how they do it and what happens to them.
Unanswered experience creates Tension.
And what is Boredom?
The technical definition is "a state of mind characterized by lack of interest, stimulation, or challenge."
It's being in a place or state and wanting to be in a different place or state, with nothing to do about it. The feeling that you get when Bored is that pull towards changing your state. The need to do something, but there’s nothing to do.
It's waiting.
But there's something else about Boredom which is revealed once you realize how Tension's impact on yourself really works.
Tension is about looking into the future.
It's about seeing where you are now, and paying attention to where you COULD be. This focus on the future highlights the Tension inherent in the scenario and that force itself is often enough to pull you into an action to resolve the feeling.
Most marketing works this way.
You are where you are, you desire to be different, but you may not realize what that means until someone comes along and paints you a picture of what that difference could be like, oh and they have the thing which can resolve the tension and get you that difference.
When you are bored in a relationship.
That boredom might come out of feeling like you should be doing something different, or something more. It might be happening because you got all high on your honeymoon and then the dopamine drop afterwards left you unstimulated, only grasping at what could be.
When you are bored in your work.
That boredom may come out of a feeling that you could be doing something much different and more exciting. It may come about because you're doing the same things over and over and over, and you desire change. You desire variety.
Tension for things to be different shines a light on that boredom.
What do all of these things have in common?
A lack of PRESENCE.
But simply trying to be present is not enough to combat this natural Tension.
Presence IS the beginning.
Because one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself, which will make Boredom melt away, which will nullify the effects of Tension,
Is to find contentment in Boredom.
When you're standing in the line and you want desperately to be done with it all to leave where you are and to go onto your next thing ...
You instead pull yourself into your present space, and find contentment. Find contentment that you are healthy and only waiting for something mundane. Find contentment that it's just a line and all is well.
When you are bored with your work.
Find contentment that you have work to do at all. This doesn't mean you don't work to make a change ... boredom in work is a good sign that you aren't challenging yourself.
But in order to make that change you must do it deliberately in a way where you don't wreck yourself. You must insulate yourself from the intense Tension that pulls you to change. To alleviate the Tension, you seek contentment.
When you are in a relationship and you feel bored ... slow down even more. Find contentment. Find appreciation for what you have and who you have it with. Life as we live it does such a damn good job of impressing the sense that we have to be and do something DIFFERENT.
But recognize, no matter how much you feel like you want things to change. No matter how much you feel drawn towards an idea of what could be. No matter how much you feel stuck and unstimulated and unfulfilled ...
Come back to the present moment. Because everything that matters is always and forever only in the present moment.
Find contentment being bored in that present moment.
There's nothing quite as peacefully empowering as recognizing that you are bored, there's nothing to do, and then embracing that state and even possibly enjoying it.
Boredom is the bottom. It's the lowest point.
Its the place where your dopamine leaves you off after it tanks. It's the place you end up when your desperately waiting for change.
It's being on the sea with dead wind leaving your sails still. Waiting ...
Finding contentment in boredom gives you a power akin to meditation. The ability to sit still and just be without needing a change. When you get to that point you'll find the force of tension is gone, and you've unlocked the ability to move forward meaningfully.
This is the only way to explain this power.
Because it's not about avoiding being Bored. It's not about trying to ignore the Tension.
It's about uncoupling yourself from the intense powerful pull that Tension has on you by fully accepting and appreciating the thing which causes the Tension in the first place - that desire to be where you are not, or who you are not.
When Tension doesn't grip you, you can take or leave the story. You can walk away from "an amazing deal." You can more strongly weather the storms of uncertainty in relationships.
And when it comes to your Solvable Problem, taking your Next Best Step, and managing Volatility5, you can set yourself on your path, and then just be content in the present moment no matter what is happening ...
Whether the market is doing nothing or exploding all around you.
Get Good at Being Bored.
This is the best advice. Years ago, I asked Coach Rick Bojack about running the Veer offense. He tapped my chest and said: "You. You are the problem. You are going to get bored. But they (waving his arm to an imaginary team) are not bored. They are winning. They are having fun." It changed my whole career. My coaching lacks the "sexy" but results happen. Sadly, of course, people think overnight success takes too long. Great piece of writing here.