“Tactical Empathy” is a core component of the TGA operating system. It’s most often presented in the context of business but it applies to all domains and situations that involved other humans. Enjoy.
Powerful Lessons From Chris Voss
Chris Voss is widely considered the best high-stakes negotiator on the planet. His book, Never Split The Difference1, has sold over 4 million copies and continues to gain popularity amongst business owners, salespeople, spouses, parents, and… well… anyone who has to deal with other people.
Chris has become a friend and partner of ours, and we’re going to share some of the most powerful insights we’ve learned from Chris and his team at the Black Swan Group.
But first…
Who is Chris Voss?
Watch this short video for a refresher:
Chris has developed repeatable and portable tactics that can be practiced and used in a pinch for immediate results. For example…
“The specific tactics Mr. Voss teaches are truly gold. I recently had an experience where in one day through two separate interactions I sent a very simple one-line text to each individual. Both were delinquent in monies owed with no remedy in sight plus frustrating radio silence. In mere moments both people were covering the debts actively. This was about a combined $45,000 profitable coffee break. Thanks, Chris Voss and Golden Swan. You gave me back my power.”
-Ron Lynch prominent direct response television producer, screenwriter, director, inventor, author, investor, and philanthropist.
A very simple one-line text = $45,000 coffee break.
Chris’ company, The Black Swan Group, continues to travel the world and drop little gold nuggets like this everywhere they go. It’s a game changer for relationships, partnerships, and dealing with other humans, in general. For business owners, there is a direct like to profit.
We call Chris’ business development IP and the select few with access to it “The Golden Swan Alliance” - more on that later. Let’s tackle this first…
Partnership Lessons: Chris Voss Part 1
Part Two is below. Part 1 was published by the Black Swan Group, since some of the links are outdated and broken, I’ve just copied and pasted it below.
The job is not to save everyone. It's to save everyone willing to be saved.
You can't save the unsavable, you can't close the un-closable. The earlier you recognize who is not willing to be saved, the sooner you can make the right decision. There are a few practical implications, off the top of my head. As a hostage negotiator, the proper way to measure your success rate is not what percent of people were saved, but instead what percent of savable people were saved. If you were to count the “unsavable”, the data would be faulty, thus, so would the feedback loop. It’s a version of brain sludge and being aware of the negative impacts of outcome bias
To become better at your job, you would first need to be able to identify who is not willing to be saved. Then, refine that skill to identify it sooner and sooner. Now think about relationships, sales, or partnerships - and apply the same framework. If you can quickly identify who was never going to be a good fit, you get the time back - and time is money. You’ll also have more accurate feedback loops, there is no sense in changing a process because it didn’t work on someone that no process would work on.
Which leads right into…
It's not a sin to not get the deal done. It's a sin to take a long time to not get the deal done....it's also a sin to take a long time to get a bad deal done.
Just recognizing when a deal isn't getting done sooner can save hours a week. Those hours could get reallocated to bigger, better, faster deals. People get so caught up in winning or losing, that they don’t consider how to allocate resources effectively. If the deal is not going to get done, if the relationship is not going to be saved, if the sale is not going to close… you lose twice if you also waste hours, days, or years trying to save it.
Ironically, holding onto things out of fear of loss can be incredibly costly.
If someone uses the word "fair"...be careful, and be gentle. It means they don't have any data to back up what they want.
When someone throws around the word “Fair” they’re playing with the subjective. How do you know? Because if they had data to back up their claim, request, or demand they would be leading with it.
You have to be gentle with people using the word “fair” - they are in an emotional place and have painted themselves as a victim. Remember Karpman’s Drama Triangle? If they take the position of victim, you must not take the position of a rescuer or persecutor - else you’re perpetuating the cycle. There is no winner in the “fair” argument. Note: it’s not a bad idea to be careful about using the word “fair” in an argument - if you do, you’re painting yourself as a victim.
Your instinct (gut) is faster and more accurate than your amygdala (brain) - if you train it.
Train your gut by being willing to be wrong and stress-testing it. This requires intellectual security. Engage with bad prospects just to test, train, and refine your gut. What you lose in the short term you make up for in space over the long term. It’s okay to lose a deal on purpose, especially if it refines your gut or your skill.
If you're too worried about "losing" you will never develop the skill to be great. Plus, if you know a prospect is a bad prospect, it's a great opportunity to practice new strategies, tactics, and language - nothing to lose but maybe something to learn.
The gut processes information exponentially faster than the brain. Actively train its accuracy and learn to trust it.
Not everyone is trying to get the best deal for themselves. Many people have only one objective: to take up more of your time.
Many people just want attention. Identify these people as quickly as possible so that you don't let them take yours.
In “The Gray Wolf” there are three voices, one of them is the “voice of emptiness”
The Voice of Emptiness. Words, tones, and volume designed only to fill the silence with idle talk, and aimless superficialities. Or to draw attention to the speaker. The strategy is to spend time. The discourse is rambling and shallow like the eddies going nowhere at the end of the stream.
The Gray Wolf is derived from the Master Key, which has been passed down for thousands of years. People looking to waste your time is nothing new - and it’s not going away. It’s fair to wonder “What’s in it for them?” - but don’t forget that “wasting your time” is one of the things that some people want.
Learn to identify the voice of the emptiness and recapture that time and effort.
"Zombies can be turned into humans"
Bad prospects, clients, and partners can be turned into good ones if you know how to recognize they're "zombies" and a few words to test if they can be turned into humans.
According to the Black Swan data, a good client has 5x the LTV of a bad one. That means that if you can turn a bad client into a good one with a few words, you will 5X their value to your company.
With like three sentences. If that’s not a return on investment, I don’t know what is.
. “If you can taste how good the words will feel before you say them, you are doing it wrong.”
Oof. This is a big one. Dr. Jeff Spencer says:
“There are many good reasons to take action. Seeking relief is not one of them”
If you think it's going to feel really good to say something - you are saying it for your own pleasure or relief. If the goal is to make yourself feel good or relieve pressure from yourself with words you should not be making deals. The thing that (you think) will feel really good to say is almost always the worst possible thing to say. Even if it’s valid, it may not be useful. The key word in the champion’s vocabulary: restraint..
Commentary
What I love about the way Chris operates is that it's a system. It's a version of Bumpers2; an operating system that is optimized to identify the "bad things" as quickly as possible and then turn them into good things or replace them with good things.
I partnered with Joe Polish and Chris Voss on this project. It’s called the Golden Swan Alliance and it’s the best “business development” package I’ve ever seen personally.
It’s $10,000 - so that will disqualify most people.
There are only 999 spots - EVER. So that disqualifies everyone else that’s not one of the first 999. You can learn more or snag your Golden Swan spot here . If you do join, let me know and I’ll spend some time with you - just to shoot the shit.
The bonus stack is absurd (you can red about it on the sales page)……but just applying what Chris shares will 10x anyone's investment in time, money, and bandwidth.
Keyword: applying.
One of the bonuses is that I'll spend a day with you to do whatever you want. Wanna work on your business? I'm here for it. Wanna shoot guns and play Mario Kart? here for it. Anyway, you can read more at
Partnership Lessons: Chris Voss Part 2, Tactical Empathy
What’s become clear, after spending time with Chris, is that most of what’s taught in books about sales or negotiation are super amateur - they would never fly in real, life-or-death situations because they lack understanding or empathy.
Stop trying to win.
A great negotiator isn’t trying to win. “Winning” implies there is a loser. Approach important conversations as a collaboration, not a competition. In order to understand how to collaborate, we have to make space to understand the position the other party is in and what it is that they want.
Instead of thinking about “how to win”, approach the dialogue looking to collaborate, communicate effectively, and get the best possible outcome for both parties…
Ask not “What do you do?” but instead “What do you love about what you do?”
When you ask someone what they do, you’ll learn about what they do. When you ask someone what they love about what they do you put them in a position to talk about what they love and you’ll learn why they do it.
Knowing what someone does provides little insight into their values, knowing what they love about what they do provides insight into their most important ones.
Give it a try. You’ll see what I mean.
And my personal favorite…
If you try to hug a kid that’s been beaten and battered, he is probably going to duck.
Ever watch a movie or TV series with a character that’s misunderstood? It’s easy to feel for those characters because a good show will give us enough context - flashbacks, monologues, etc - to understand the characters reasons for being who they are. Real life is similar in that people are misunderstood and different in that we aren’t fed perfectly timed flashbacks to help us understand where they’re coming from.
Everyone’s carrying baggage. Here’s an excerpt from my (unpublished) book, R3:
Chris Voss once told me that if you try to hug a kid that’s battered, he will flinch or run away.
Your intentions don’t matter, the logic doesn’t matter and the science behind the benefits of hugs don’t matter. What you know given your experience doesn’t matter - because the kid has baggage, he’s been beaten before. It’s unrelated to you, but he’s carrying it nonetheless.
Maybe you want the kid to hug you back for all the right reasons.
Just like you want your prospect or customer to do something, for all the right reasons. And guess what?
Your intentions don’t matter, the logic doesn’t matter and the science behind the benefits of it don't matter. What you know given your experience doesn’t matter - because everyone has baggage.
If you want the other party to behave a certain way, it’s you responsible to be empathetic toward them and their reality. Don’t put links in front of them without context, because they’ve been scammed before. Don’t tell them that they should just trust you because the last person told them that - and the outcome was devastating for them.
The onus is on you to do better. The good thing is that the basics of allegiance capital are super simple.
Whether you’re in business or not, if you can…
Approach conversations as a collaboration instead of a competition
Get interested in what people love instead of what they do
Understand and have empathy for the unknowns other people have been through
…I have a feeling everything will become easier and more profitable for you.
Give it a try. Let us know how it works for you in the comments or in the Arena3
If you want to step up and be one of the 999 who get to work directly with me, Joe Polish and Chris Voss on…
It’s a one time investment of $10,000. There are four events - in-person with virtual options - on the calendar and a ridiculous bonus stack. I’ll also be throwing in bonus events and “righteous hangs” throughout the next 12 months.
However…It’s focused on getting a massive positive return in your business. If you don’t have a business, the alliance is probably not going to be a great fit. If you have to open a credit card or go into debt to become a member, it’s probably not a good fit - just use the free stuff available to you and engage the field until you’re in a position to do something like this.
If you place a high value on exposure, proximity, and access…
If you closing a few more deals would be worth a lot more than the Golden Swan membership…
You can read more about the Golden Swan Alliance at:
Biggest takeaway, “You can't save the unsavable, you can't close the un-closable. The earlier you recognize who is not willing to be saved, the sooner you can make the right decision.”
Biggest takeaway, “You can't save the unsavable, you can't close the un-closable. The earlier you recognize who is not willing to be saved, the sooner you can make the right decision.”