The "Rockiest Of Roads" - TGA Foundation

Level 1: And That's Okay...

Aug 18, 2023

“Our emotions and cognitions are so vivid, so comfortable, so perfectly catered to us, it is no wonder that we so confidently rely on them in formulating our behavior and in perceiving the behavior of others. Yet, with our eyes half-closed, with every step we take away from the real world into our imaginations, we create a reality that is more and more idiosyncratic, and, in so doing, we widen the communication gap between ourselves and others. “
- Elizabeth Louise Newton

Future Guardian,

The quote above feels like the longest quote every used at the top of a post. We implore you to read it nonetheless.

Especially if you’ve ever felt like Rocket trying to explain…well, anything… to baby Groot.(If you don’t understand the reference, Rocket is a Raccoon and baby Groot is a tree. And also… watch more movies so we can appreciate memes together)

When I get flustered because someone isn’t listening to me or doing what I told them to do, I think to myself…

“tap, tap tap”

Here’s why.

There are a few texts I keep on my desk at all times. One of them is called “The Rocky Road From Actions To Intentions”. It’s a dissertation written by Elizabeth Newton, a doctorate student at Stanford in 1990.

It’s a dissertation by Stanford student, Elizabeth Louise Newton in 1990.

Newton recruited 80 Stanford graduate students, gave them a list of 25 popular songs, and asked them to tap 3 tunes with their fingers. The subjects were then asked to estimate what percentage of the audience would be able to name the tune they were tapping.

The subjects guessed that, on average, the audience would be able to guess the tune 50% of the time. The guesses range from 10% to 95%. In reality, the audience was able to guess the tune 2.5% of the time - a rate that was outside the entire range of estimates.

Not only had all these Stanford graduate students overestimated their ability to communicate what is in their heads, they grossly overestimated it.

In the second study, Newton had them tap the tune and observe the listener as it was being tapped. Now that the tapper has tapped the tune and seen the response from the listener, what did they feel the probability was that the listener understood the tune? 50% again. Reality? The listener was able to guess the tune 3% of the time.

Not only do we grossly overestimate our ability to communicate with others…

… we also grossly overestimate how well we have communicated after the communication has taken place.

And the more experience we have in something, the worse we are communicating about that thing.

Accompaniments, Context and Experience

When the tappers are tapping they have the accompaniments in their head to fill in the gaps…

The more vividly they can hear the accompaniments and see the images associate with the song, the worse the predict how well they have communicated.

Why?

Because they assume the listener has the same accompaniments in their head and is hearing at least some of what they are hearing.

They don’t and they aren’t.

The more clearly the tapper can see and hear the song in their head, the bigger the gap is between them and the listener - because the listener still only hears random tapping.

And this is the trap; the Rocky Road.

The more intimately or clearly you understand something, the bigger the gap in communication and the perception or illusion of communication taking place.

So…

If you think someone isn’t listening to you or doing what you told them to do stop and think…

“tap tap tap”

As a reminder that, perhaps…. just maybe… they did listen, but you didn’t communicate what you thought you communicated.

Perhaps they are doing what you told them to do, not the thing you thought you told them to do.

Anytime you catch yourself thinking or saying something along the lines of…

“Ugh, but we already told them that”

… pause for a second and think about what accompaniments you have in your head that they don’t have and you can give it to them.

Recap

We grossly overestimate our ability to communicate.
We grossly overestimate how well we have communicated, even after it has happened.
The more we know/understanding something the greater the level of accompaniments - leading to a wider gap.

Action Steps:

Catch yourself when you get frustrated with someone for not listening or following instructions.

Ask if the other person has the accompaniments or base knowledge necessary to hear what you’re saying.

If not, consider how you could get them there to understand or hear what you’re trying to communicate.

Engage The Field:

Consume: You just did this. Congrats!
Reflect and observe: Journal, reflect and drop your 6WU
1. Paid members can share in the comments
2. Non paid members can share X or Facebook
Engage: Engage the field/reality with the loop open
Reflect and observe:
1. Paid members can get feedback in the comments
2. Non paid members can share on X or Facebook
3. Arena members and Guardians…bring it to the ARENA!1