The Meaning of Success
The Meaning of Success
Level 3: Master of the Mundane
Dear Future Guardian,
I'm always looking for the smallest thing that has the biggest impact. The root causes. The one thing you can change which can change so many other things,
And I think this is one of those.
A common pathway for people who discover The Guardian Academy is through Bumpers1, and one of the most impactful tipping points through that path is redefining what success means to you.
I don't have the life perspective to say this is THE thing - by that I mean, that this is the one smallest change you can make that has the most biggest impact. But in my experience and observation, along with my instinct, I see a reframe on "how we personally define success" as one of the biggest levers you can pull to get the life that you really desire.
It's certainly up there.
Most likely owing to the dynamic that we have throughout much of our life where we are driven to look externally for validation of what "success" means.
We've relied on others to define what our successful life is.
We make many decisions seeking validation from others that we have indeed lived a successful life (and perhaps more sinisterly, that we are more successful than others - there's some level of "confirmation" we've made the right choice and that we're living the best life possible if we're doing better than other people).
In my experience with this,
It's almost like once I gave myself permission to define success as everything I already had and was doing, everything else became easier.
It became easier to step forward one little bit at a time.
It became easier to slow down and enjoy the present.
It became easier to not have what I thought I wanted.
Because hey, I'm successful now.
Not only have I accomplished things I've set out to accomplish, but I've also gotten the things that I want in life.
(How do I know this is the life that I want? Because it's the one I've intentionally made for myself, and I can with confidence historically say that I am good at getting what I want, and if I'm not getting it, that doesn't mean that I can't get it, it means I don't want it.)
Ok then so …
What is Success?
Since this is all stemming out of Bumpers, let me quickly pull in a little bit of how Success is referenced in the book.
Bumpers calls you to define success for yourself. From Bumpers Page 14:
"Success is really nothing more than the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. This means that any person who knows what they are doing and where they are going is a success. Any person with a goal towards which they are working is a successful person." - Earl Nightingale
I'm not going to go through the whole thing because ... well ... it's in the book.2
But I do believe that figuring this out for yourself is one of the greatest "unlocks" you can attain.
I also think pulling apart the idea of success and looking at it from many different angles breaks down the external expectations and definitions that may be laid upon you about what success "should" be.
So that's what I'm looking to accomplish today.
Before we get further into it ...
Bumpers also talks about the fear of defining success.
We are afraid of defining success, because when we define success we also necessarily define failure.
I think I see another fear in defining success, not just the simple "if I don't make it then I've failed" but a fear in being wrong in defining your own success - of under-defining your success. A fear that you aren't living up to what you can possibly do if you don't define your success well enough. Look at all those successful people out there, if your personal definition of success is "far less" than what you see projected out there, are you by default failing at the outset?
If success to you is making enough to live a quite life in the 'burbs' with kids, then embrace that! Be successful! No sense in thinking you should be making millions of dollars if that's not the life you want.
This conflict in defining success all stems from an identity of 'being successful.' Which is an externalized judgement.
If you remove all other voices, inputs, perspectives, I believe you start to lose interest in a definition of "successful" because what ends up mattering is only whether you do or don't do something, and whether your actions are getting you what you want or not (but either way you're taking action).
If you're the only person who's opinion matters, what does success really mean?
In a void with only your own opinion/voice/view having any influence the only thing that can be failure is doing nothing ... literally just lying down and dying. Biologically if you are living you are succeeding. If you are over the age of 40 you are biologically arguably more successful than the average person just a couple hundred years ago. But there comes the comparison. Because that leads us to arguments that prompt comparison to more and other.
Are we always bound by comparison when it comes to defining our success?
Perhaps ... if things you really need and want in life necessarily involve another person's opinion and acceptance (relationships matter).
But perhaps the biggest challenge comes from our internal comparison.
Success - Is it Internal or External?
I think one of the major rifts comes from a disconnect between what you think you want and what you have. When what you think you want is unattainable with what you have right now, your attempts to get what you want are measured by that yardstick.
Let's say I really want to own a Porche 911 GT3 RS - which would cost me at least $250k. I figure that in order to get that in the next year, I need to make a certain amount of money more each month than I do now.
Now if I don't reach that each month, I'm not successful (and the more I don't reach it the more unsuccessful I grow).
It's the old growing trees story all over again.
Two neighbors,
One is absolutely obsessed with having the tallest tree, the other is like "cool man I like trees too."
They both set out growing trees.3
10 years later, the one obsessed with having the tallest tree finally gets there.
Only to realize he just spent 10 years absolutely miserable because he wasn't successful. Meanwhile the other neighbor was just having a super happy life because his obsession was in loving the process of growing the trees ... he was successful from day 1.
Variations on that story, the first guy never gets to his dream, the second guy beats him, etc -- it doesn't matter, point is when you make the outcome your measure of success and happiness, as long as you aren't there, you fail - and then when/if you DO get there, you've got nothing else after that (which is also terrible).
So it seems like if we change our desire from having what we don't have, to enjoying the process of moving forward, then we'd always be successful, right?
But perhaps it's not enough to say success is tied to desire and consumption.
Meaning, if you can just tailor your desire to what you currently have, your consumption to what you currently have then you can consider yourself successful,
Because there's a component to success which is not about having.
I'd say Success is more about doing and not doing (the growing of the trees).
"Try Not. Do or Do Not. There is no Try" - While Luke finds this line trite and dismissive, Yoda knows its the only thing that matters in the moment. Success isn't whether you try and fail, it's whether you do or don't.
Doing doesn't necessitate accomplishment.
Doing is about taking action or not taking action towards the things that you want.
Often times it doesn't feel like you're succeeding because the action isn't directly about the thing you're seeking, but if you know that the action is part of the path in getting there, you can realize you are doing, and therefore you are, successful.
Case in point - When you're trying to lose weight, it can feel like the only success is when the number on the scale goes down. But you know what's also a measure of success? When it doesn't go up. And you know what's also a measure of success? Even if it does go up, that you still hit all your behaviors on the path that you're taking.
After all, we know that nothing happens in a straight line, so we can't measure success based on the line. We have to look at our behavior - our actions, our doing - which influences the line, knowing that the line (the outcome) will have variation we can't control, and recognizing that as long as we hold our behavior (keep our stated behavior and our actual behavior aligned) we're being successful.
But in looking at Success compared to action, it's easy to find ourselves comparing success and accomplishment.
... Is there a difference?
Accomplishment is attaining the the stated goal.
But does that mean we are successful?
What happens if we state a goal, we violate all our principles, yet somehow perhaps through dumb luck or misunderstanding of the path we needed to take, we end up attaining our goal.
Does that mean we're successful?
Or is it more about the "doing" toward the accomplishment?
Perhaps that's for each of us to decide.
But then,
What if you have a driving need that you must meet?
It's all well and good if you can slow down, look at the things you want to accomplish, your behaviors, the path you are on, where you are right now, and be able to intentionally consciously define success,
But what if you're in a position where you need to accomplish something?
Like say you aren't making enough to consistently reliably pay the bills, keep a roof over your head, and food on the table.
The fundamental need redefines your set goals and forces a dynamic where the idea of success is chosen for you.
So, we find ourselves looking at the dynamic between success and need.
There's a threshold of need which, once you cross, changes your perspective, framing, and relationship with the concept of success.
If I have everything I need to survive, then everything I am doing doesn't need to get measured against my ability to meet my needs.
Maybe this highlights that success is always a moving bar, one which is set by your own specific goals, interests, and especially needs. If I need to be able to buy food and I don't have any money, then I'm going to measure my own success against my ability to get food.
If I have all the necessities of life I need, and could be fine changing nothing ... then I can easily accept that no matter what I'm successful. I can try something new and no matter the outcome I'm still successful because I've attained all the things I need in life - what I'm trying now is just something a bit more.
Of course, I'll be battling the human mindset4 drive for more, the inclination to compare, and the society expectations which suggest that not striving for more is a bad thing.
Most people measure their success against other people's accomplishments, and through that we end up slipping into a state of believing we are not successful. Because we haven't made $600k on a product launch. Because we haven't published a book. Because we aren't recognized in our industry. Because no one has called us to speak at an event. Because we haven't reached some predetermined income number that is ultimate tied to nothing in reality. Because we don't have a private jet.
Even if in all that, we actually have everything we really do want in life, we just can't be clear or honest with ourselves about what that is.
I think no matter how you slice it …
"Real" success is necessarily self-defined.
(bringing us back to Bumpers)
It can't be any other way.
To measure your financial "success" (for example) against someone else's who has attained a life you think you want, is not only like looking at a person with curly red hair (which you'd like) and feeling like a failure for having straight black hair, but is itself a dynamic that necessarily automatically makes you a complete and utter failure ...
That dynamic of measuring yourself against an imagined future which isn't now and can't be now because now is not when it exists.
That's measuring your success by having the tallest tree.
How do you define your own Success?
You can certainly take the direction in Bumpers. There's a step by step guide, literally the entire chapter 2.
So lets back up and see if there's something useful we can add in addition tot hat.
I think no matter how you slice it, if you don't want to be held in thrall of a carrot on a stick chasing "success" then you MUST disconnect your self perspective on this from comparison to other. I'm talking about any comparison to something you are not or where you are not. Comparison to someone else, comparison to a future ideal, etc. Comparison to things you don't have. Comparison to places you aren't.
As long as you are looking outwards, you will measure your success based on things and people which are not you, and that is 100% a losing game.
It doesn't matter if someone else has made $10 million drop shipping cheap shit, you aren't doing that, that's not you, and stop thinking that you need $10 million. Look at your feet. Look at the floor in front of you. The space around you. The people around you. What do you actually need. Make that happen. What do you actually need to happen next? Make that happen. That's the only thing that matters.
It doesn't have to be completely figured out.
It may be enough to just simply be aware.
The only success that matters is the success you define. The only life the matters is the one you currently have.
Start there, and then move forward.
What defines YOUR Success?
Some Final Thoughts
This is another thread in a series of threads I've been pulling apart exploring how to identify your most immediate constraint5. I think that task is one of the most difficult, but also one of the most effective skills you can learn in the process of learning itself.
Recall that learning is demonstrated by showing a different behavior in the same situation. So we learn through action, in a way that allows us to change our behavior.
But it's also not enough to just learn, we want to learn and grow in a particular direction. Because a direction defines a path and a path means constraints along the path, and the most logical and effective constraint to focus on is the most immediate.
But, what is that?
I think at a certain point, defining your Success is (and perhaps redefining it along the way).
That may be why it's the first task given to you in the Bumpers book, because if you can't define what Success means to you how can you proceed figuring any of your shit out?
Be Useful. Be Present. Love the Journey.
, CMO The Guardian Academy
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Success is indeed a many splendored thing. Define it as best you can now and iterate and improve that definition as you wayfind your path to it. The process is the shortcut and the intention and integrity of each step is its own reward. Onward.